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CNN called the island for Hillary Clinton based on exit polls five hours before the closing of the primaries.

They used exit polls.

To call a win for Clinton.

So what does Terry "am a bigger douchebag than Harol Ickes" McAuliffe say on TV, on CNN, while talking to mini-douchebag Wolfe Blitzer about the Michigan decision and Ickes threat to take their grievances to the convention floor?

Terry "Lord Of Douchebaggeoisty" goes on record as saying that exit polls are flawed and should not been used in deciding Michigan. That what the Rules and Bylaws Committee did was akin to what happened in Florida in 2000 and that in the end, they stole the delegates from Hillary Clinton.

Roland Martin, who's full of awesomeness, just said that McAuliffe needs to make a decision because he had just used exit polls to say that Hillary Clinton can beat John McCain in November.

The Clintonites are just fucking crazy.

My mother just called me from Lares after just casting her primary vote for ... I don't have to tell you who. She said that the local Univisión station, Noticias Teleonce, have said it doesn't look like Clinton will win the local primary.

Yet CNN here in New YORK is already calling the elections for her based on exit polls.

I'll give updates as I get them from the island.

The Rules and Bylaws Committees rules!

Harold Ickes proved to be a douchebag when he made the threat the Clinton campaign would take their fight all the way to the convention.

With the new decision the candidates need 2118 to get the nomination. With the new numbers CNN is saying that all Obama needs between 20 and 24 more superdelegates to win after the 3 remaining contests.

That's it.

If the Clintons take this to the credentials committee this would prove that they're waging a scorch earth strategy and wouldn't have a problem doing the Republicans job of making Barack Obama lose in November.

And by the way, the despicable screaming mimis in the room were chanting, "McCain, McCain, McCain".

The Clintonites know how to keep it classy.

For months I have been trying to lose weight. No matter what I did --diet, Pilates, aerobics, yoga, high-colonics-- my belly wouldn't go down in size. Well, now I know why I have been craving olives

I had incredibly excrutiating pains last night. I thought it was the pasta with creamy porcini sauce I had eaten for dinner, but no, this pain was something else. We live right across the street from a hospital, so I asked the ball and chain to take me there.

Two hours later the creature was born. Yup. I spawned again --and weirdly enough, against my knowledge.

I'm fine now. Had I planned this birth, it wouldn't have gone so smoothly --and drug-free. I mean, I'm on my laptop while the baby sleeps. I can't believe it was that easy.

Here's a pic of April:

In a move that left political Washington reeling, George Bush and Hillary Clinton held a joint press conference on the steps of the United States Capitol this morning to announce their respective retirements from Presidential politics.

In a joint statement read by an aide to the assembled national news media, the two premier exponents of dynastic politics announced:

OK, we get it. You're sick of us. And guess what? We're sick of us, too. Twenty years of doing this job between the Bushes and the Clintons, and you wouldn't be sick of it? And now, look where we are: we don't have a manufcaturing base left - no, thank you, NAFTA. We're stuck in a war we're losing, the budget's going belly-up, the rest of the world hates us, yadda yadda yadda. Bad news, people. Time for a fresh start. And yes, we do get that you're barely holding back the vomit considering another four years of business as usual, Washington insider consultants, canned sound bites and focus groups. Hey, we don't like that, and it's what we do. Do you really think we enjoy coming up with these goddamned soundbites all day every day? You ever done a focus group? It ain't as much fun as smoking pot on the beach, people.

The now-former President added extemporaneously:

Look, y'all's don't realize what a complete pain it is for our families that we have this so-called monopoly on the Presidency. No member of my family can even walk down the street to grab a frigging bagel without having some random psycho run up and and breathlessly tell them they've formed an exploratory committee for them. You tell me if that's how you'd want to live your life.

Well, the march to war with Iran may have gotten quite a boost. Seems Iran has captured 15 British Naval personnel,

All I can say is "Oh-oh!"

One thing that we all agree on quite strongly here at CultureKitchen is that most of what we read and hear from the various mainstream news media sources is bogus to some extent -- incomplete, inaccurate, in many cases biased.

How can we tell when we're being told the truth and when we're being misled or lied to? How do we know who we can count on to tell us the truth and who we can safely assume is blowing smoke at us? How can we tell the difference between good journalism and bad?

It's difficult to separate the news wheat from the spin chaff, because every time we look at a new article or listen to a new story we have to keep asking ourselves the same questions time after time:

Is this a good story?
Is it informative?
Is it fair?
Is it well-sourced?
Does it show the "big picture"?
Can we trust the publisher of this story?

That's a time-consuming set of mental hoops to jump to every time we see a headline or hear a lead-in to another piece of news. If the answer to all or most of those questions is "yes", then we don't want to miss out on exploring and learning from the story in question. If the answer to all or most of those questions is "no", then we don't want to waste our time or bandwidth wading through it at all.

  

Child entertainer and doll Barney stands accused of terrorism after emitting suspicious stuffing on a flight from Chattanooga, TN to Boone, NC. Both Barney and the unidentified blind child who boarded with him are being held in an undisclosed location.

Witnesses claim that a fight erupted when several stewardesses tried to take the purple dinosaur from the child. The child claimed that she didn't care about the dangers of "picious stuffin'" and was immediately placed in a choke hold. The pilot returned to Chattanooga where armed officers and terrorism specialists whisked the suspects into custody.

Officials speculate that Barney may have brainwashed the child into some kind of revenge plot due to his loss in popularity. An unconfirmed source stated that the other child on the flight had a Tickle Me Elmo doll, but it is not known if Barney had access to this information before boarding.

Meanwhile, the search for that guy that blew up those towers

For those paying attention, the current crisis in the Middle East is once again showing the true face of conservative government in all its ineptitude and squalor. The dazzling performance standards we all came to know and love during hurricane Katrina are on full, lavish display on the Levant.

First, the delayed reaction time. As MSNBC reported on Saturday, Americans in Lebanon, including students at Beirut's American University, were caught completely unprepared by the outbreak of hostilities. The reaction of the Department of State was to say, almost in as many words, that the 25,000 Americans in Lebanon were on their own.

"There aren't any ... reliable ways to get out by air, land or sea," State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said Friday. U.S. citizens are being told to "assess what is best for their own personal security."

Savor that for a second. You're trapped in a war zone, and the government says you're on your own. Does this principle sound at all familiar?

But as always, it gets better.

Ken Lay, convicted and corrupt Enron exec who became the poster boy for what is wrong with the Republican culture of corruption, has died of a heart attack. He was scheduled to be sentenced in September. Seems like nature beat the court to it.

Condolences to Lay's family.