Humor

(Written in satire. A literal trasnlation for the tonally impaired is available upon request.)

This weekend I went to Austin, Texas, to attend the third annual Netroots [Aryan] Nation, the convention formerly known as Yearly Kos and recently called a "Klan gathering" by Bill O'Reilly. I agree with O'Reilly that "including the Nazis and the Klan... there is not a more hateful group in the country than the Daily Kos People." I too hate this hateful conference, which encourages democracy, open politics, participatory democracy, grass roots organizing and other Nazi-ish thing. But I attend each year, under the guise of a Laughing Liberally comic and Living Liberally leader, in order to counter the lies of the liberal media, who receive their talking points and marching orders directly from Subcomandante Markos [Moulitsas]. I go because somebody needs to document the atrocities that are ignored by the appeasement era press and distorted by the Netroots deniers. I go to show the world the truth. I go to say Never Again.

So, here are some of the things you won't hear from the liberal media about the four-day gathering of over 2,000 progressive bloggers, journalists, politicians and activists.

1. The netroots are so vicious that Obama was forced to flee to the relative safety of Afghanistan.

2. The netroots are reconsidering their position on FISA. Although they were disappointed with Obama's vote and his absence from the conference, they have now realized that thanks to the new FISA law, Obama could hear everything they said.

3. The surprise guest was no surpirse. Everyone knew the surprise guest would be Al Gore. Duh! He is the inventor of the series of tubes known as the internets.

4. Al Gore proved global warming is real, beyond the shadow of a doubt. I'll admit it, I was a skeptic about global warming. But that was before I saw Al Gore speak live. Because what An Inconvenient Truth doesn't capture, is Gore's presence, energy, and sweat. After watching Gore sweat in an air-conditioned convention hall, it is impossible not to believe in global warming.

5. Al Gore is anti-American. During his speech, Gore mentioned wind turbines several times. Well, wind baseball caps are fine with me, Mr. Vice President. Love it or leave it!

6. The Socialist Party made a debut at the Convention. The convention has had Democrats and recovering Republicans. But this year for the first time, with Nancy Pelosi's attendance, the conference hosted a member of the Socialist Party.

7. Nancy Pelosi has sound judgment (for a Socialist). The Speaker of the House is a radical San Franciscan and a pusher of the Homosexual agenda, Yet when she spoke in Austin, Pelosi demonstrated sound judgment and astute reasoning through her vibrant mint green pants suit, a tasteful Clinton-Cleavage-free blouse, neutral but elegant tan heels, and warm honey highlights.

8. Donna Edwards does not belong in politics. If I learned anything from Representative Edwards' keynote speech, it's that she is too honest, hard-working, passionate, genuine, inspired, and inspiring to be in Congress. What is she thinking?

9. Contrary to popular belief, bloggers do have a sense of humor. The Netroots Nation gift bags included condoms.

10. John McCain should not be misunderestimated by the netroots. After all, McCain is already "aware of the internet." By next year's convention in Pittsburgh, the maverick may know how to get online.

Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Mothterfucker
Tits

An amazingly simple legacy of free speech, civil disobedience, philosophy of language and culture criticism all wrapped up in the guise of stand up comedy.

New York City to me has rarely been to me the voice of Woody Allen or Seinfeld. New York City has always been the voice, the "tawk" and the raunchy wit of George Carlin.

Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Mothterfucker
Tits
Fart
Turd
Twat

To celebrate George Carlin as a champion our civil rights and the integrity of the US Constitution I give you thee the original stand up skit that went into the Supreme Court Decision of FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION v. PACIFICA FOUNDATION, 438 U.S. 726, 98 S.Ct. 3026 (1978).

In the immortal words of Team America, fuck yeah! This has got to be one of the best "get out the vote" initiatives I've seen in a long time.

Via Digg and Twitter and cross-posted at Booman Tribune.

WTF!

Now I want to know where McCain stands on the issue of hot water, dehydrated babies and bottle production. STAT!

"Dr. Katari ... invited me to a first session with a lovely group of rapists, murderers and robbers." --John Cleese in The Benefits of Laughter Yoga with John Cleese

Whenever I start researching uplifting stories involving science or technology for Kenneth Cole's Awearnessblog, I always end up unearthing some really funky project from India. The latest is the Yoga of Laughter created by Dr Madan Kataria who has this published on his website, Laughter Yoga :

I want to thank your momma,
for making you a cutie
and giving you that bootie.

LOL!

White boy lust. I love it!

I posted this awesome video when we were in the old server at the evil web hosting company that failed us miserably for the past 6 months. Yet in the move, we lost the last two entries to the site.

So let me repost this video. It's just too good.

H/T, once again, to Elephant Journal.

In the immortal words of Team America, Fuck yeah!

Don't you wish all history lessons were like an Eddie Izzard standup bit? Because that's the genius of his act. There's nothing too far off the historical record in anything he says. It's just the way he puts it that's hilarious. And the fact he can make people laugh about Hitler, Lenin and Pol Pot all the while declaring us accomplices to their atrocities ... well, that's something beyond genius.