Snark

The calendar maker of the GOP has got to be rounded up and ... ahem ... dealt with. He or she must have missed the memo that no one at the GOP wants the party to be associated with George Bush.

Yet here we are with a calendar in which his face appears 23 times, five of those with his wife and her Joker lips. Condoleezza, Alberto and Karl are conspicuously absent.

The most interesting inclusion, and proof that the calendar maker hates the GOP, is Dick Cheney. The Lord of Darkness makes an appearance in October, the month known for the cryptopagan American celebration of spooks, goblins and demons.

Now that is snark.

The photograph is hilarious and creepy at the same time. Who knew Dick Cheney's face --not him-- had the ability to smile. What is he smiling about or at, we don't know. It can't be the heavens --we know puppies died in the making of that smirk.

A smirk that is hilarious because ... I don't know why but this Dick Cheney kind of reminds me of Bill Gates, the Prince of Darkness. The L. O. D. is looking a little geeky, in a Silicon Valley meets Redmond sort of way.

Apologies to all the hackers hurt in the making of that comparison. I do think it's what makes that picture creepily funny.

H/T to Matt Ortega.

Blind righteousness is not a monopoly of conservatives or even right-wing extremists. There are plenty of mostly liberals (with maybe a progressive or two) who are so self-absorbed in their alleged leftiness they not only think they can never do wrong, but they truly believe their shit smells like roses.

Hence, the birth of the demotard.

I am not the first to use the term, and I hope I wont be the last either. Yet, I will claim to be the creator of not only it's etymological reference, but of the awards to go with it.

Aren't they special?

DEMOTARD
ETYMOLOGY
Neologism created by mashing up the words Democrat and retard.

PRONUNCIATION
deh. moh.tahrd
/ˈdeːmo:tɑrd/

[Note from the blogdiva : This was first posted in June. I just saw it and decided it needed rescuing from the forums for your cynical enjoyment.]

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According to a report not yet released, the Council on Science and Public Health of the American Medical Association has recommended that a chronic and widespread affliction of Americans be officially declared a psychiatric disorder. It has been named the Political Attention Deficit Disorder (PADD). It is recommended that the disorder be included in a widely used mental illness manual created and published by the American Psychiatric Association. The current manual was published in 1994; the next edition is to be completed in 2012. The benefit to people of an official classification is coverage by health insurance.

“The symptoms of PADD are all around us and treating it professionally can do more for our country than any election,” said Dr. Mable Wank in the report’s introduction; she is chairwoman of the Council and a professor at UCLA.

Here are the Council’s main findings on PADD:

Nearly 80 percent of adult American citizens are unable to pay sustained attention to issues and problems associated with their government. They are unable to accept their responsibility as citizens, including their obligation to vote, read in-depth articles and books on political issues, become active members of politically oriented groups, and initiate discussions on current events with friends and family. “The decades-old decline in voter turnout is a direct result of a national epidemic of PADD,” said the report.

This always seems a bit problematic, especially in our TXT MSG era: when do I put its, when it's?

Et voilà, a handy reminder.

Dear Friends and Relatives:

I have the distinguished honor of being named to the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush. I am contacting you in hopes you will be willing to contribute to this noble cause. But first, a little about what the committee has been doing to date.

We originally wanted to put him on Mount Rushmore until we discovered that there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC,Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth,since George could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of all. He left not knowing where he was going,and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did it all on someone else's money.

Thank you,
George W. Bush Monument Committee

P. S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far. So please be generous.

(UPDATE by Liza: Chris Chinn has claimed this text as the work of his genius. You can find the whole post at LiveJournal.)

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Yesterday I posted Part 1 of The Art of Defending Racism. Fitting for a Martin Luther King day discussion, here is its concluding section.

The Art of Defending Racism : Advanced Tactics!

The Russian Retreat (Be like Water)
Naturally, anyone who attempts to call you on a racist behavior, will probably try to also refute your defense. Fortunately for you, when your defense isn't based on actual reasons, but simply irrationality, you can switch tactics on the drop of a dime without any explanation.

Simply switch from one defense to another, randomly, and let your opponent continue to wear themselves out trying to penetrate your happy wall of racist belief!

For additional fun, you can switch to a tactic you've used previously. Half of them will not even notice they've been led in a circle, the other half will lose all hope and give up! Hurrah for ignorance!

The Wall of Whiteness
As the Greeks knew, the key to a good defense was teamwork. If you have more than one person supporting racism involved in the conversation, then all of you should use different tactics simultaneously --your opponent will have to fight on multiple fronts, and have to keep switching his or her train of thought to meet each defense. They'll wear out in no time, and, you can reinforce and protect each other's 3 beliefs.

(UPDATE by Liza: Chris Chinn has claimed this text as the work of his genius. You can find the whole post at LiveJournal.)

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This is so good, I had to repost here. This was posted at finy : Message: FWD: The Art of Defending Racism. The poster, T. Raisul Murray, says it is mostly anonymous with some parts added by him and a friend.

The whole thing is brilliant, especially the "Opression Olympics" section he added.

The Art of Defending Racism

Doing something racist is easy- you don't even have to think about it. But keeping racism alive? That takes work!

Luckily for you, racism is deeply entrenched in our society, so all you need to do is hold the gates against those who would try to dislodge it, and let them wear themselves out. You'll want to use the tactics listed below to protect your own racist behavior, as well as those of others- after all- racism works because we work together!

Winning the war against equality!
No matter what, your objective is to be able to maintain these three beliefs at the end of any exchange:

1. I'm not racist.
2. I didn't do anything wrong.
3. I don't have to change at all.

If you can hold on to that, then you win!

Earl of Prometheus 6

I watched the speech thing | Prometheus 6:

First ten minutes: prepatory rhetoric.

First of all, you were told to expect everything that surprised you.

Second, you didn't consult with anyone. You took the ISG report as a list of arguments to refute.

Third, you seem to be listing all the things we should be doing for Americans, with the death of a few extra Iraqis thrown in for leaven.

I did not watch the address but if I were to summarize it would be as so :

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Iraqis blah blah blah blah democracy blah blah blah blah war blah blah blah blah terrorism blah blah blah a little bit of time blah blah blah blah have to win blah blah blah national oil laws blah blah blah blah blah Sunni blah blah blah Shiite blah blah blah blah violent blah blah blah blah we have to win blah blah blah blah blah reconciliation blah blah blah blah blah democracy can't survive blah blah blah blah blah order blah blah blah blah stay the course blah blah blah it's unnacceptable blah blah blah we have to win blah blah blah God Bless.