sigh. "angels" and fairies have nothing to do with it. biology guarantees every female eventually has to deal with reproductive issues. breed, don't breed, abort, miscarry. can we please keep the mythology out of it? you don't see cats and whales investing nonsense in how they give birth, or don't. because- it makes no difference. sex is as common as death, life is mundane as breathing.

yours is a depressing story, but a common one. it's so hard, as it always has been, for women not to add some kind of fantastic narrative of invisible beings to justify, explain, or otherwise give meaning to reproduction. you write well, but in the end, how is this story any different from the narrative that is all too common among women of color? (i speak as one) you got, ahem, screwed. one man worked out, another didn't. don't try and make it sound so epic. indeed, if fewer women saw the men in their lives as epic, women of color would rule this country. instead, too many of us turn all our energy towards the mundane project of reproduction. what, do you think there aren't enough kids in this world? is it so hard for those who need kids to adopt? such is america: where everyone has the right to contribute to the destruction of life on earth, consuming 35X the resources of everyone else, because "life is sacred according to my church."

if this is how you understand your choice, so be it. but i do wish women could grow, as well as men, and just look at the facts on the ground. as you say, your children are everything to you. then again, biology made you that way, as much as you want to assign those feelings to the invisible sky fairy and his minions. think of the woman you would've been if you'd actually chosen when you (didn't) have kids. ah, speaking so is "profane." oh well, i don't believe in the sky fairy. sue me.

there is nothing noble about having kids. there is nothing noble about aborting a fetus. good on you for being pro choice. this essay just proves that it's still all too common for women to think there is something exceptional about being mortal, and reproductive.