Viggo Mortensen

My (imaginary) boyfriend has a few things to say about the craziness on Wall Street :

Steal from the poor and give to the rich: this is the policy that we have in recent days seen the U.S. Government unhesitatingly and irresponsibly sanction by bailing out the big gamblers and law-breakers with tax-payer money. At least now this short-sighted and destructive approach to governance is undeniably out in the open.

We saw this happen in the 1980s with the savings and loan scandal and bail-outs, and we are seeing now, as we saw then, people like John McCain, Phil Gramm and the usual assortment of corporate pirates get off scot-free and continue on their paths of self-advancement and cronyism. The mismanagement and plundering of our nation's wealth and the cavalier drive to burden future generations of its citizens with crushing debt have been hallmarks of U.S. government practice for quite some time, but never to the unprecedented degree that we have experienced during the eight years that the Bush Administration has plundered the treasury for the benefit of a tiny, very wealthy minority.

Hopefully voters will keep this in mind when deciding whether they wish to continue in the same vein with McCain, or give change a chance to happen with an Obama administration.

Perhaps, too, the mainstream media outlets, in response to the now undeniable financial and moral crises we face, will get back to allowing issues more pressing and significant than the personal and ethical foibles of Ms Palin to take precedence in their daily election "coverage".

I have my doubts about their willingness to do so, but there is always hope.

It's so HAWT when he pokes his nose in my b'ness and does that weird pseudo-blogging thing he does at this publishing company's site.

Le sigh.

He's given me the perfect reason to post about McCain's involvement in the Savings & Loan crisis of the 1980s. I give you John McCain's Keating Five Problem In 97 Seconds :

My (imaginary) boyfriend has been busy shooting movies, doing some performances and growing a beard. I hate the beard, by the way, but I love the acting.

That's not just the reason why I can't wait to see him and others in Howard Zinn's "The People Speak". The material itself is just incredibly compelling, by presenting alternative texts and voices to History, to the official story those in power want you and me to agree as being truth and reality : Democracy is in dissent, Democracy is in resistance, Democracy doesn't come from the top, it comes from the bottom.

Here's a list of the performers :

Howard Zinn
Martín Espada
Christina Kirk
Danny Glover
Darryl McDaniels (DMC)
David Strathairn
Harris Yullin
Jasmine Guy
John Legend
Josh Brolin
Kathleen Chalfant
Kerry Washington
Marisa Tomei
Michael Ealy
Michael O'Malley
Q'orianka Kilcher
Reg E. Cathey
Staceyann Chin
Viggo Mortensen

You can read more about the project at Howard Zinn's website.

Well, our internal statistics for 2007 are finally tallied and we have some interesting data and insights about our work.

Most people who stumble upon our site are not looking for articles on politics. It seems like most are trolling for a sexual thrill --or so it seems by the keywords and phrases people have used to stumble upon our site.

I used to think it was funny but after years of looking at the site's stats and knowing that we don't write pornography, all I can think of is that the search engines definition of "optimization" is what we would call in the real world (and if we were talking about real people), plain and simple prejudice.

Search engines (and I am mostly referring here to Google), have decided that this site deals with a certain kind of material and thusly pushes our content up the top of pages that they have decided to have our site ranked in "with prejudice". Meaning that, the better our ranking in a search page, the more prejudiced or biased the search bot learns to be towards our site.

I am not one to believe that software, especially software that presumes to mimick human thought processes (but only faster) are above malice. After all, code and the software that is created with it is the product of the human mind. It is just another form of expression, another language.

Searchbots are meant to find pages relevant to the strings of text "fed" to them by web surfers. At no point are they meant to make sense of the search string based on the context of a site.

I could go on forever on this one and will eventually.

In the end, what I find incredibly interesting about these search strings is that, especially when there are several strings "tied for the same ranking", when read together, they sound like really bad emo poems.

The top 10 rankings for search keywords and/or phrases

Viggo Mortensen has failed me and the world miserably. It's a Friday morning and the world is still not a better place all because of Viggo. It is Friday morning and I still don't have my legs wrapped around the lefty-commie-pino hunkiness that is Viggo Mortensen.

He is not only one of the first celebrities against the war, but he is the first one to call for the impeachment of George Bush. He has gone so far as to visit Iraq after publishing a book about the occupation. And when he came back, right before going back to filming, the man campaigned for an anti-war Democrat in New York state.

The problem is, he is still not betwixt my legs.

So I've tried to quit him.

Then he goes on the Colbert Report and does this :

I hate you Viggo Mortensen. How dare you make me laugh. I hate Stephen Colbert even more. How dare you enlist Stephen Colbert to turn me on with your sense of humor.

I swear, pull this off one more time and you'll be dead to me.

Props to Viggo-Works

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Viggo Mortensen + Looking fierce + Carrying a sword + Speaking Spanish = Muchos doblone$$$.

I am going to go broke just in the amount of time spent at the movie theater, the need for extra panties and feminine hygiene products and maybe a ... ahem ... certain-kind of toy or two. With this movie, Viggo is gonna make a lot of people rich. Just in panties and .. ahem .. certain-kinds of toys, I can see a whole terciary market of Viggo-related goods.

Heh.

Viggo Mortensen's speech to the
St. Lawrence University class of 2006

My delectably imaginary boyfriend, Viggo Mortensen, was feted with an honorary PHD from his alma mater, St. Lawrence University.

You can read his whole address at St. Lawrence University: Commencement

When calculatedly dishonest and self-serving behavior is increasingly becoming the norm from many of those holding high political positions in the United States, it is thoughtful individuals such as you, the members of the Class of 2006, who can help mend the frayed moral fabric of the nation by your personal example. Whether you see yourselves as so-called "liberals," "conservatives" or some other political persuasion -- or none at all -- you now, by virtue of your liberal arts education, ought to be qualified to ask intelligent questions and not be intimidated or stifled by unreasoned argument, not matter how forcefully it is presented. This, of course, goes for you non-U.S. citizen graduates as well. I'm certainly not asking anyone to run out and burn down City Hall, or to necessarily engage in any overt protest. I simply advocate your continuing to explore being involved citizens. Don't ever be afraid to ask the question, "why?," or as most small children do, to repeat that question as many times as you receive an unsatisfactory answer. Inquiring minds are essential to a healthy society, and to making an individual art out of living. With apologies to any Latin scholars for my pronunciation, I offer the following epigram:

"Ducunt volentum fata, nolentum trahunt."

For non-Latin scholars, that translates as: "Fate leads those who are willing. The unwilling it drags." Or, if you prefer your words of warning from a Greek, Plato once said that "One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." Recent election results and subsequent political appointments in this country seem to bear that admonishment out.

And Maha wonders why I want to have this man's babies.

Sigh. There are moments I actually cannot stand his speechifying, like when he waxes poetic about world peace; but 99% of the time his politicking is like foreplay to me. To think I thought this man was a mimbo...

Your turn now : What's turning you on these days?

David Swanson published this past Tuesday a great strategy piece on the call to impeach Vice-President Cheney in Impeach Cheney First | ImpeachPAC

We should impeach Vice President Dick Cheney first, and President George Bush immediately thereafter. This idea is not original with me. It's been seen on bumper stickers for quite some time. My attention has been called to it by the fact that Congresswoman and Judiciary Committee Member Maxine Waters is talking about it. See below.

I'm persuaded of the value of this approach for several reasons. Among activists who very much want impeachment, one can hear a long list of fears and concerns about how things might go wrong, how impeachment could help Republicans who come around and back it, how impeachment could take energy away from elections, etc. But by far the most common of the nonsensical fears one hears is this one: "Impeaching Bush would give us Cheney, who is worse."

By proposing to impeach Cheney first, we eliminate this fear.

I did not write a whole article about this back in October of 2005 because I was still hot and bothered by my imaginary boyfriend's call for the impeachment of George Bush. I was so wetted by Viggo Mortensen's political sexy-beast sweet-talk (because, you know, he did that only for me and nobody else), that there is only a quick comment of mine making reference to Cheney first. Some smelling salts, a little photoshopping and a CafePress store later and,

I swear, this is only for medicinal purposes. Penetrative medicinal purposes.

[via Penetrative sex the answer to speaking nerves - Yahoo! News]:

Volunteers who had had penetrative sex during the previous week or so had the least stress, and their blood pressure returned to normal fastest after their test.

Penetrative sex was far more effective in this regard than masturbation or oral sex. But those who had abstained completely from any sexual activity had the highest stress levels and blood pressure of all.

Brody also did a psychological profile of the volunteers to see whether they had an anxious or neurotic character, and evaluated their work stress and satisfaction with their partners.

But even when such factors were taken into account, sexual behaviour was clearly the best explanation for the stress responses.

So here's a bit of pondering : Does this mean that Bush don't get no action? Or more pointedly, does this this mean George Bush rarely experience the positive effects of oxytocin? There has to be an explanation for his horrid public speaking skills. Add to that the man has some serious empathy problems, I am going to take a gander that he's more into the blow the hand kind of thing than popping the mythical granadine.

I had to watch the Golden Globes. The've made their irrelevancy relevant and it's like a car crash, you just have to look even though you know what happened and what the outcome will be.

So I watched, to swoon a little over my imaginary boyfriend, Viggo Mortensen; the man who holds an EZPass for the express lane to my loins.

Beauty and the beasts. Isn't he dreamy con ese tajo que me voy a devorar ... yummy yummy goo.

Anyhow, this year I officially turn old; and the older I get, the louder my dirty old woman self grows. I had me a couple of molester moments with Drew Barrymore and Scarlett Johansen.

Ahhh Drew, Drew. Those tatas, trapped in that dress where the punkest most "fuck you" statement of the whole night. Look at them! They're gorgeous! I would so totally go lesbian on her.

Then there's that hussy Scarlett. She's half my age, but girl, I'd so rock her craddle:

Look at those babies. They hang exactly where they ought to be. Natural, free-range, totally organic breasts.

While we are at it, an honorable mention to Queen Latifah who underwent breast REDUCTION surgery years ago. She's looking hot these days, although I hear I don't have to go all lesbian on her because she is already there. Hell-yeah?!

BTW, I missed Isaac Mizrahi's on-camera molestation of Scarlett's kachangas. I love me some Isaac. When I dream of a gay husband (and I do, I honestly want to have one of those), I dream of him being like Isaac. I mean, I'd have a hot guy and a mad fabulous apartment and closet. I'd never have to buy anything because he'd spend his days and nights just shopping for me ... and that's so hot!

Last two bits :

Isn't she a bit overexposed? I love Evan Longoria's dress, but as a latina, I am going to be honest, that white looking nose really bothers the shit out of me. Then again, she's one hermana that likes them black and big. Go Eva! Just don't go spreading your tales of brazilian waxes and dildos all over the place like that. Open a blog girl! Get that stuff on a blog!

Last but not least, my imaginary mother, Catherine Deneuve. The woman is over sixty and I think it's criminal she's looking this gorgeous :

My long-time readers know I'm a Puerto Rican bi-racial mutt : my mom is white and my dad is black. When I was a kid, I'd fantasize I was the Mandingo kid of Catherine Deneuve. And yes, I did see the movie and with my mom, none the less.

Now you know why I am so screwed up.

Director: David Cronenberg
Writers: John Wagner and Vincent Locke
Actors: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris, William Hurt

When I first heard of the lineup for A History Of Violence, I was literally shocked. I've always thought of Mortensen, Bello, Harris and Hurt as being typecasted in Hollywood as "intense", "internal", "understated" character actors with movie star looks. Putting them all in one movie seemed to be a move against casting convention : That you're supposed to have one or two of every type. So this was enough reason for me to see it.

Then I read the graphic novel the movie is (loosely) based on, and became hesitant this would turn out to be another action movie. I was not interested in seeing a shoot-em up sold with the post-modern and art house cachet of Cronenberg. But, and here is why I went to see the movie : I finally was able to see Mortensen use every single trick in his acting book on a movie with a human scale and no animals or special effects to upstage him.

I am so glad I did. I knew something amazing happened on the screen when once it went black there was a collective "WOW" coming from the audience.

From the point of view of a former critical theory chick, this movie would have made Foucault proud. The movie is not so much a study of the shoot-em-up violence we've grown accustomed to see in movies and on the six o'clock news. To paraphrase the timely cliche : the violence is in the details. And it's with those details that Mortensen shines.

So here comes my disclaimer : Contrary to popular opinion and due to the fact I have declared my lust for the man, I am not a fan of Viggo Mortensen in the common sense of the word. Ah ... hmmmm ... let me rephrase that : Even though I believe he is one of the most underestimated actors in Hollywood, it's doesn't mean I will go out of my way to see all his movies. He's been in a number of movies that just look too sucky for words; in movies that I was too chicken to watch (because when it comes to thrillers and horror movies, I am a cluck-cluck chicken); or in movies with starring actors and/or actresses I detest enough to not feel compelled to waste $12 and a couple of hours of my time. So, to get my disclaimers out, I am fascinated by the artist and man more so than the star or matinee idol. That said, I am going to focus my attention on Mortensen because his acting is a big reason why this movie is a masterpiece.

Take away the sword fights, the horses and the love making and I would still consider Mortensen a physical actor. Not just physical, but muscular in the physiological sense of the word. It's muscular because he uses his body to map out actions and communicate his emotions. Doubt is a slight expiration, a closing of a hand, a slight tightening of the jaw. I am not talking about ticks, I am talking about a being beyond The Method's "being in the moment". There is something about what he does as an actor that is almost miraculous : He is the moment.

A great example of this is at the movie's turning point. Mortensen's Tom Stall is pinned to the ground by Harris' Fogerty. Up until then Mortensen's accent had the kind of generic twang that made him pass as a man of the "Heartland". As Fogerty aims to shoot his accent and his whole body changes with a ferocious "I should have killed you back in Philly". The masculine American beauty turns into the ugly American beast in the blink of an eye. Which is why New York Magazine is right on the money in headlining Mortensen for their culture awards for playing two parts at once.

The reason why I mentioned Foucault earlier is for his work on discipline, pusnishment and bio-power. In "Discipline and Power", he has a chapter called Docile Bodies, in which he describes how knowledge of the body during the 17th and 18th century was not so much an anatomical or scientific inquiry into the functions of the body. Anatomy was developed as a "power tool". To know the body, to break it down and explore was the possibility of controlling not just the body but will.

The human body was entering a machinery of power that explores it, breaks it down and rearranges it. A "political anatomy", which was also a "mechanics of power" was being born; it defined how one may have a hold over other;s that they may operate as one wishes, with the techniques, the speed, and the efficiency that one determines. Thus discipline produces subjected and practiced bodies, "docile" bodies.

[...]

These were always meticulous, often minute techniques, but they had their importance: because they defined a certain mode of detailed political investment in the body, a "new microphysics" of power; and because, since the seventeenth century, they had constantly reached out to ever-broader domains, as if they tended to cover the entire social body. Small acts of cunning endowed with a great power of diffusion; subtle arrangements, apparently innocent, but profoundly suspicious; mechanisms that obeyed economies too shameful to be acknowledged, or pursued petty forms of coercion --it was nevertheless they that brought about the mutation of the punitive system, at the threshold of the contemporary period. Describing them will require great attention to detail : beneath every set of figures, we must seek not a meaning, but a precaution; we must situate them not only in the inextricability of a functioning, but in the coherence of a tactic. They are the acts of cunning, not so much of the greater reason that works even in its sleep and gives meaning to the insignificant, as of the attentive "malevolence" that turns everything to account. Discipline is a political anatomy of detail.
Michel Foucault, Discipline and Punishment

When Tom finally admits to his wife he is Joey, he tells her of how he spent three years in the desert killing Joey to become Tom. "I was reborn when I met you" he tells her. But this rebirth does not seem to come out of love so much as from discipline and pusnishment : He learned the "subtle arrangements", the apparently innocent physical tactics necessary to be a lover, a husband, a father, an exemplary citizen and a good man. Tom Stall is not a fake or an imposteur. He is an actor. A man that has had to learn "to be normalcy", to be not just a good person but good people, without getting lost in the details of his multiplicity.

The violence escalates as the tactics and the cunning are exposed for what they are. As he gets closer and closer to telling the truth his body grows harder, his features more angular. That's because the body has memory; the body never forgets. History is not just wedged into the wrinkles of our body and beneath the folds of our soul. History is like a virus altering the very core of our existence, it's disruptive, because the body is without constants:

The body is molded by a great many distinct regimes; it is broken down by the rhythms of work, rest, and holidays; it is poisoned by food or values, through eating habits or moral laws; it construct resistances.
Michel Foucault, Nietzsche, Genealogy, History

Which is why the now notorious sex scene on the stairs, although ferocious is terribly sad. Mario Bello broke my heart with that scene. She absolutely delivered the fury, terror, anguish but more so the sadness of a woman who's home is literally crumbling to pieces and who up until that morning thought knew the man she loved. She fights him and hits him and hurts him but the body doesn't forget and as Tom forces himself harder into her you can see how she does not want to remember the love, the cherished moments, the trust. So many people have described this moment as hot but how could they? This is the most anguished, lonely and desperate sex any two people could have had. The harder he tries to get to her, to salvage their love by getting harder into her the deeper the sorrow on her face.

Viggo Mortensen has described this movie as a love story. I honestly beg to differ. This is movie not about love or redemption. This is a story about the power of history and how wiping away of history unleashes terrible violence.

America the continent was founded by people running away from their histories and hoping for second chances. To this day America is synonymous with the possibility of not just reinvention but rebirth. But bodies can never be clean slates, no matter how much we try with diets, makeup, plastic surgery. Our souls can never be rid of memories no matter how much discipline, how much practice, perseverance or will we put into it.

Before the screen goes black, Tom Stall returns home to the dinner table and his empty seat. The whole scene unfolds in silence amid the tears of the rest of the family. The daughter stands up, sets the table for him, clumsily, without the details of a mat and with the fork and knife upside down. The son passes some food. And sitting there in tears and silence are Eddie and Tom. This is not a man who's found redemption and a second chance after wiping out his mafioso brother and henchmen. This is a man waiting now for what's next.

And it's that opened ended moment that left us saying, collectively, WOW.

This is a hell of a must see movie. Don't miss it.

My imaginary boyfriend Viggo Mortensen, along with David Cronenberg will be at the Walter Reade Theater to discuss their new movie A history of violence. How can I not be there! I mean, ok, so he does not know I am his girlfriend, but still ... couldn't someone send me a ticket (they've been sold out since forever).

Then there's tomorrow.

Umberto Eco, one of my academia heroes (Ms. thing used to be a literature professor), is receiving the Kenyon Review Award for Literary Achievement. Did I get invited? Not even to the reception.

So people, if you want to make la negra happy, never ever forget to invite her to an event where either her imaginary boyfriend or one of her literature heroes are going to attend.

Uh-oh ... see what's happening ... I'm pouting. I'm pouting people ... I'M POUTING!

Ah, sheez, there goes the tough girl look. It's going to take me all night to get it back on.

Pooh.