Savage Reality

An Open Letter to Dan Savage:

Dear Dan,

I have read "Savage Love" in the Village Voice for years, have also read the Seattle alternative weekly that you edit, The Stranger for a long time. I know you are an openly gay man, in a long-term relationship with Terry, and that the two of you are raising a child together.

You sex advice column has made me laugh, made me think, pissed me off (especially when you start going on about how you think cunnilingus is icky), but, in general, we've been on the same page about sex, reproductive rights, freedom for gays and lesbians to marry, and the whole "right to privacy" omnibus issue that is of utmost importance to me.

Which is why your column this week has left me flabbergasted.

You and your readers have contributed the term "santorum" to our lexicon, and I can no longer think about the senator who lives just to the south of my state as anything but the frothy mixture of fecal matter and lube that is sometimes the product of anal sex. Serves him right for being such a despicable human being. The Senate cannot get rid of Rick Santorum fast enough.

So, this week, you report the following in your column:

A couple of months ago I sent a big chunk of ITMFA dough off to Bob Casey, the Democrat running against Senator Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum in Pennsylvania. It was the maximum personal contribution—$2,100. That donation didn't sit well with some Savage Love readers, as Casey is anti-choice. "Yes, Bob Casey is opposed to abortion," I wrote back in June. "[But] electing one or two pro-life Dems is the price we'll have to pay to put reliably pro-choice Dems in positions of power all over the Senate. . . . So casting a vote for Casey, or sending a contribution to Casey, is a pragmatic, progressive, pro-choice bank shot."

Well guess what? Jake Perry, Casey's campaign finance director, called last week with bad news: Bob Casey was sending my check back to me. Casey is worried that Santorum's flying monkeys will spot my name on his campaign finance reports and raise holy hell about it. Casey didn't want to debate the merits of the frothy mix—still the number one result when you Google "santorum"—with Senator Santorum, so he wasn't going to take my filthy money. I'm miffed—wouldn't you be?—but seeing as I've asked my overwhelmingly pro-choice readers to be pragmatic, swallow hard, and support Bob Casey, I'm going to be pragmatic myself, swallow harder, and support Bob Casey whether he wants me to or not. So what if Bob Casey doesn't want to take my dirty money? (If Bob Casey doesn't want to be seen taking my dirty money. Perry suggested names of some independent groups in Pennsylvania working to elect Casey, groups that might be willing to take it.) I still want Casey to beat the lube-and-fecal-matter- splattered pants off Santorum this November. That's why I'm sending the $2,100 Casey spurned to Philadelphians Against Santorum. (For the record: PAS is not one of the groups that the Casey camp suggested.) Got some dough to spare? Help defeat Rick Santorum this November by making a donation at phillyagainstsantorum.org.

Dan. Have you ever heard a tree full of cicadas in full voice? As you move, the sound skips and jumps, reverberates; you can feel it under your skin. It can be highly disturbing. That's what cognitive dissonance feels like in my head. And that's what happened when I read this column. The cicadas started beating in my head.

I've been stewing about this for three days. But events have gotten in the way. My former mother-in-law, Charlene Andrews, died. Charlene's fight for a death with dignity law is not unrelated to your desire to marry your partner and my desire to secure reproductive freedom for my daughters. It's also not unrelated to the dismantling of the Fourth Amendment by the SCOTUS, nor by the Supreme Court's blind spot when it comes to the Ninth Amendment.

I wish you could meet my girl-crush, Caliberal. She could explain to you, in language much more eloquent than mine, that choice is not a trade-off. You should read her diaries, too. In fact, there's a whole blogosphere full of eloquent women and men who have written about how there is nothing without control of one's body. You, as a gay man, should know that.

You argue that if we all just swallow hard and elect a few anti-chioice Democrats, it'll be fine because at least we'll control the Senate and then we can put progressive men and women into positions of power. Do I need to remind you about The Vichy 10? That is, the ten Democratic Senators, all up for re-election this year, who secured the nomination of Justice Alito? Are these the progressives you hope will attain power if someone like Santorum is defeated?

I'm not arguing with you: Rick Santorum has got to go. But, what advantage is there going to be for me, a white woman with two daughters, if Bob Casey is elected? I looked at the issues on his site. There's no mention whatsoever about privacy. And you know what, Dan? My guess is, he's not only anti-choice, I'm not sure he'd be all that comfortable with you and Terry raising a child next door to him, either.

When I think of privacy, I cannot break it down. Abortion, the right for gays to marry, the stoppage of illegal search and seizure, wiretaps, the banning of the sale of sex toys, the teaching of abstinence only education in the schools--all of these and more--are part and parcel of what I consider "privacy." To ask me to support an anti-choice Democrat because he may not be as rabidly anti-gay as his opponent is, well, fucked up.

Dan, one of the consistent pieces of advice that you give to folks who are in relationships with assholes is "DTMFA," which stands for "Dump the Mother-Fucker Already." Given that the Casey campaign has told you it doesn't want your dirty money because you're gay, can you please take some of your own advice: DTMFA, and send your money elsewhere. There are plenty of Democratic candidates across the country who could use that $2100.

I want swallowing to be a choice. And I think you do, too.

Image Source: Cornell Library. Book Christophoro Kottero Silesio, Christinæ Poniatoviæ Bohemæ, Nicolao Drabicio Moravo. Lux e Tenebris. n.c. : n.p., 1665. Page 64, Plate 15.

Notes: Kott. XV.; v.3. ouroborus: mystical symbol of wholeness and cyclical continuity.

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