In less than a week, I'll be heading back to Minnesota for nine days. Of course, I'll bring home work, very little of which I'll actually get done because it will also be "Old Home" week. I'll be running to spend time with folks I only see a couple times a year.
It will also be time to see my relatives. It's ok, I guess. But, many of them live in Iowa, and the ones that do are hyper-conservative. We're talking two uncles who were in the Promise Keepers. We're talking home deliver of Focus on the Family's monthly magazine. We're talking old school Dutch Calivinists, the folks my sister, the Methodist minister, says are like Dutch Southern Baptists--all of the rules but none of the emotion. (I often joke that the cool Dutch people stayed in Holland; their right-wing rejects moved to Iowa and Michigan.) At least they'll be coming to my parents' house, rather than us driving to Iowa (and I get to do some major cooking!)
I certainly hope this [1] doesn't come up (for the sake of a peaceful day), but it might:
Two retired Urbandale teachers said Tuesday that they are challenging a state law banning gay marriages because they believe they're entitled to the same kind of committed relationships that they grew up with during the 1950s.
Larry Hoch, 63, and David Twombley, 64, were one of six couples named as plaintiffs Tuesday in a Polk County lawsuit fighting an Iowa requirement that marriage must be "between a male and a female" to be valid.
Yup, that's right, the fight for Marriage Equality has landed right in the middle of The Heartland. Queers are trying to get hitched in IOWA, of all places!
"You mean there are queers in Iowa?!"
The first gay bar I ever went to was the Brass Garden (now it's just called The Garden [2]) in Des Moines. I also marched in my first Pride Parade in Des Moines. I was the first openly gay Resident Assistant employed by ISU's Department of Residence, and was one of the student leaders in a fight to open campus family housing to same-sex couples (a fight we lost). I got my first death threat as an activist in Ames. All of this was over a dozen years ago. My connections to the state, other than directly via family and relatives (yes, I make a distinction between the two) have pretty much been severed, though.
In the part of Iowa where my relatives live, the northwest corner, this move is going to be incredibly unpopular. But, activists have made sure to target that part of the state (remember, the couples involved in these lawsuits are selected based on a number of criteria, one of which is geographical diversity within the state where the law is being challenged--these couples are more than just plaintiffs, they're also public spokespeople, and activists want to have some kind of presence in the different parts of the state--to humanize it, to give it a "local angle," etc.) and one of the couples suing Iowa [3] lives in Sioux City, the largest city in the northwest part of Iowa.
[An aside here: I just loved the box directing people to info about the couples on the Des Moines Register:
The couples listed as plaintiffs in the case have been together for several years. Click here to read about their families
(emphasis added)
The italicized language alone will be enough to drive Iowa wingnuts crazy. They hate it when you admit we have families...now back to the rest of the piece.]
It might surprise folks to find out that Sioux City is no stranger to queer legal controversies. Two years ago, a judge in Sioux City granted a divorce [4] to a lesbian couple who wanted to dissolve the Civil Union they had obtained in Vermont. So far, the divorce is still in effect. The Iowa Supreme Court threw out [5] a challenge by several conservative legislators, and others, because they lacked standing; the Court didn't say whether or not the judge erred in his decision.
Who would have thought that Sioux City, Iowa would be a center of the Marriage Equality struggle? Actually, we should anticipate that every part of the country will be involved (since we queers do seem to be everywhere), but it still seems odd to have Sioux City as a hotbed of activity.
My relatives get their television and newspaper news from Sioux City. They'll probably be aware of this. I sure as hell hope they don't want to talk about it.
My grandmothers are probably the only two people who have ever come into contact with me and haven't figured out I'm gay. My mother has specifically asked me not to tell them. ("It'll make everyone's life easier if they don't know.") I only see them once or twice a year, and they really don't play a significant role in my life, so it's not that big a deal (other than keeping me from talking about my academic work, my activist work, my relationships, my friendships...actually, much of my life). Luckily, we've mostly managed to avoid talking about any issues that involved gay stuff (has any family in America actually managed to do this?) I dunno if I can keep holding my tongue, though, and I'm afraid something not very nice might come out of it.
Wish me--and, of course, the couples in Iowa--luck
[Addendum: I wanted to add this, but forgot. With the shock that might accompany all of this going down in Iowa, it's also useful to remember that the Iowa Democratic Party's platform [6] endorses marriage equality (424-435):
REPEALING THE DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT
We support:
- Repealing the Defense of Marriage Act which defines marriage as between one man and one woman.
MARRIAGES/CIVIL UNIONS
We support:
- Legal recognition of domestic partnerships and same sex marriage.
We oppose:
- Any constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage
The were one of the first two state Democratic Party's (Colorado being the other, as I recall) to include such support in their Platform. There are progressives in Iowa folks. (I guess, living in New England, where I just saw Wyoming referred to as "Midwestern," and where they assume everyone in flyover country is an inbred bigot who's thrilled to get indoor plumbing, makes me a little more sensitive to things like that.)]
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