[1]I swear, this whole red drama was created to indispose me. You think I am exaggerating? Then why is it that even though I was born in the United States, I have to carry my US passport in order to not be stopped and frisked at every gate in every airport of this great nation of ours ... including the it's lovely colonial Island of Enchantment [2] ?
If the red drama was not created to make my life miserable while traveling, then why would anybody want to go to the lenghts of banning all liquids including hand lotions, hair glossers, medicines and asthma inhalers from all flights? I mean if George Bush hates black people [3] the next logical step is to hate black Puerto Rican women named Liza Sabater. That would explain why he would want me to travel with ashy skin, split hair ends, and children with runny noses and wheezing chests.
George Bush hates me and that's why he called in the red .
I am sure there's a call to fear and loathing and suspicion not because there were supposedly some guys out in England ready to blow up 10 airplanes [4]. I am certainly not going to assume this has anything to do with Ned Lamont [5]. There's a red because I am in Puerto Rico and grock knows the last thing the gringos in Capitol Hill need is for me to start some Puerto Rican revolution while I am on vacation. Bush knows my mom lives in the hot bed of the Puerto Rican independence movement, that sleepy little radical town of Lares [6], so Bush had to do everything in his power to make my life miserable while traveling.
By the way, don't you find it odd that all these terrorists insist in staying in England and/or the United States? I mean, if I were a terrorist, the last thing I would do would be to stay in the countries which have a vested interest in continuing the war in Iraq. I would go to, like, Iceland or something and try to blend in with Bjork [7] or the reindeer.
OK, I could not pass incognito with my melanin-rich skin, but hey, if Al-Qaeda is paying and I were I terrorist, I'd buy me a couple of melanin-challenged motherf@ckers to rain deer on Bush and Blair's war on terror parade. You know what I mean? Flying Ninja Deers. Or Wizards. NINJA WIZARDS! [8]
It just seems too obvious to stay in the countries that want to continue to war and would be on the lookout for people with connections to Al-Qaeda. Don't you think? Anyway ... This war on terror has indisposed me while traveling so it's come to this :
I've had to have a mojito [9] every night since I got to Puerto Rico. All hail Bacardi [10]!
WHAT!
Don't blame me. Blame George Bush! I need a palliative 'cause he hates black people and he hates me. If not why would he call a friggin' red while I'm on vacation?
Why! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ee!
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